


Kakashi-strata

by Sandyclaws68



Category: Naruto
Genre: Established Relationship, Hopefully Humor, M/M, Marriage, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Pre-Rokudaime Kakashi, Riffing on Greek comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 09:36:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandyclaws68/pseuds/Sandyclaws68
Summary: Kakashi gets miffed at Iruka's dismissal of an idea of his and decides a sex strike is the best way to get even.Or the one in which Yamato takes bets on when Kakashi will cave, Iruka plots seduction, Genma is distinctly unhelpful, Kurama is an unwilling participant, and Naruto never wants to know anything about his nii-chan's sex life.  EVER.





	Kakashi-strata

**Author's Note:**

> So a co-worker's son had _Lysistrata_ on his summer reading list for high school and this is the result.

With the end of the Fourth Great Shinobi War peace had broken out throughout their society, which made it perhaps inevitable that war would break out in dozens of small, seemingly insignificant ways.

“All I said was I don’t think adding weapons practice to the Academy’s pre-shinobi training program was a good idea!”

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his husband.  “No, Iruka, your exact words were ‘That’s a stupid idea.’.”

“I doubt I said ‘stupid’,” Iruka commented, although the flush that crept across his cheeks told a different story.  “Ill considered, maybe.”

“You said stupid.”

That implacable stare, especially now that it came from two steely grey eyes, was disconcerting to say the least.  It didn’t take long for Iruka to fidget in discomfort and finally blurt out “Okay, fine! Stupid! I said it. It’s a stupid idea!  Something no competent educator would ever countenance.”

“Well that’s exactly the point, isn’t it?  I’m not an educator; Tsunade stuck me on the Academy’s advisory board just to keep me out of the way while my injuries healed and I adjusted to life without the Sharingan.”  Kakashi took a deep breath as he considered. “Although I don’t think I screwed up Team 7 too badly.”

“Kakashi -”

“Okay, yeah, fine, I messed up with Sasuke, but it all turned out fine in the end.  And in my defense he was already pretty fucked in the head before I ever got a hold of him.  I mean -” He bit off his words, noticing the glower on his husband’s face.

“So it’s somehow my fault.  Is that what you mean?” Iruka’s voice was deadpan and his smile anything but happy.

Kakashi blanched, pale skin turning alabaster before a tide of red swept up his face.  “NO! No, that’s not what I meant at all. Just, you know, Itachi, and. . . everything.”

“Good answer.”  Iruka’s reply had a definite edge to it, but then he smiled in the way that always made Kakashi melt.  “But I still think the weapons practice idea is stupid.”

“At least you’re being honest about it now,” Kakashi replied with narrowed eyes.  “But I stand by the idea; the focus and discipline it could instill will benefit every student, whether they end up becoming shinobi or not.”

Iruka’s eyes also narrowed.  “And if I use my vote on the advisory board to defeat the proposal?”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t test me, Kakashi,” Iruka ordered.  “And while I should technically abstain from voting on it because of our relationship there is nothing in the board’s bylaws that would require me to do so.”

“You’re serious.”

“As a heart attack.”

“Am I supposed to expect this sort of treatment any time I share a proposal with the board?” Kakashi asked, eyebrow raised in that skeptical expression that Iruka hated.

“Depends on how ‘stupid’ any future ideas are,” Iruka responded, eyebrows up and a smirk tugging at one corner of his mouth.

Kakashi’s lips twitched with an answering smile, but he kept his face largely impassive.  “Really? That’s how it’s going to go?”

“Well, yes.”  Iruka sighed and reached up to rub at the scar across the bridge of his nose.  “Kakashi, you know I have nothing but the greatest respect for your skills and competence in the things you’re good at.  But educating young children is  _ not _ one of those things.”

“I never claimed to be an expert!  But just dismissing anything I say on the subject out of hand is hardly fair.”  He may not have been physically pouting but it was absolutely audible in Kakashi’s voice.  Then he got the look in his eye that always preceded the sort of idea that was destined to disrupt Iruka’s life.  “Maybe I just need to persuade you that my suggestions have merit,” Kakashi finally spoke, voice a low rumble that sent shivers down his husband’s spine.  Arms slipped around Iruka’s waist, hands spread across his back, warmth seeping into every part of his body.

“What did you have in mind?” Iruka purred, tilting his chin up just enough to bring their lips closer together.

But then the warmth faded, the arms disappeared, and Kakashi took two steps back and away from him, slightly evil grin spreading on his face.  “I’m withholding sex until you accept at least one of my suggestions.”

A long moment passed in silence before Iruka shook his head to clear it of the static that had overwhelmed his brain.  “What?!”

“I didn’t stutter, Iruka,” Kakashi replied as he lifted a hand to study his nails, the very picture of calm indifference.  Then he turned and walked toward the front door. “I’m late to meet Tenzou, and I’ll go visit Gai after his physical therapy so I won’t be home for dinner.”  He waved over his shoulder at the still stunned Iruka, careful to keep his back turned until the door closed behind him. Once it did he leaned back against it and exhaled hard, tugging up his mask a second later.

“What the hell did I just do?” he whispered to the plants resting on the porch rail.

On the other side of the door Iruka tugged on the end of his ponytail, staring at the closed portal in an open-mouthed stupor.  “What the hell just happened?”

****~**~**~**~**~****

“Okay, tell me all of that again, only this time try to do it in a way that doesn’t make you sound like a raving lunatic.”

Kakashi sighed.  “I told Iruka that I wouldn’t have sex with him until he took me seriously as a member of the Academy’s advisory board.  Well, technically I said until he accepted one of the suggestions I made to the board, but it amounts to the same thing.”

“See, now, you still sound like a raving lunatic.”  Yamato pinched his nose, inwardly cursing the headache he could feel growing behind his eyes.  “Senpai -”

“Look, you don’t need to tell me that I screwed up,” Kakashi interrupted.  “You don’t need to tell me what a colossal idiot I was. I just. . .” His voice trailed off as he pushed a hand roughly through his hair, wincing at the painful tug on his scalp.  “If you had been there you might have understood. He just gets kind of condescending when the subject is children and their education, and usually when people talk to me like that they end up dead.”

Yamato progressed to rubbing his temples against the ever-growing headache; it didn’t work.  “Sometimes I can’t believe anyone considers you to be Hokage material,” he said, glaring at his friend.  “You know Iruka is not being condescending; that’s just your long-standing trust issues twisting what he said.”

With a groan Kakashi dropped his head to the table, nearly knocking their tea cups to the floor.  “Why do I do these things?!” came from where his mouth was, muffled by both the table and the arms covering his face.  “And, more importantly, how do I get out of this mess?”

“You could just cave as soon as possible.  Like tonight as soon as possible.”

Kakashi lifted his head, a predatory gleam shining in his eyes.  “No. If I do that he wins.”

“So you’re seriously going to follow through with this ridiculousness?” Yamato questioned, voice rising.  “Why? You just as good as admitted that there’s no real reason for it! And don’t you dare tell me it’s the principle of the thing!”

Kakashi wisely stayed silent on that subject.

****~**~**~**~**~****

“Say that again, and try to make it sound like you aren’t a raving lunatic.”

Iruka glared across the table, taking time to sip his sake before replying.  “Remind me again why I consider you a friend?”

Genma just laughed as he took Iruka’s sake cup, knocking back the liquid inside.  “Probably because I’m the only person with a relationship crazier than yours.”

With a grimace Iruka grabbed the cup back, scowling when he saw it was empty.  “That’s your own damned fault,” he declared. “I warned you about Anko on numerous occasions.”

“I seem to remember warning you about Kakashi as well,” was the reply, Genma’s right eyebrow climbing towards his bandana-style hitai-ate.  “You didn’t listen any more than I did.” He waved a hand to attract the bartender’s eye and gestured for more sake. “The only question now is what are you going to do about this.”

“I wish I knew!” Iruka groaned.  “I mean, I know why he’s doing this, and it’s not because he genuinely believes I’m not taking his contributions seriously.  He just needs -”

Genma snorted.  “Yeah, I know. And I say to hell with what he needs.”  When Iruka looked puzzled his friend went on. “Kakashi has always had this issue, but the closest I’ve ever seen him get to breaking out of that cycle has been with you.  So don’t give him the reassurance that he thinks he needs.” A grin spread across the tokujo’s face. “Give him sex instead.”

“What?”

“S-E-X, Iruka.  Seduction.” Genma gestured broadly, encompassing Iruka’s entire body.  “I mean, come on. The lush hair, the beautiful eyes, the pouty lips, the body. . .  Use it! Use every last bit of it and take him down! Show him what you’ve got and never - NEVER - let him forget it.”  Then his voice dropped and his expression became pensive. “And if you happen to help him get over one more hurdle in his problem with trust that’ll just be the icing on the cake.”

Iruka had sat open-mouthed in astonishment through Genma’s words, but at the last sentence a smile full of all the love he felt for this insane man who had been his lifelong friend spread across his face.  “Remind me again why I ever doubted you care?”

With a shake of his head Genma all but shoved Iruka off of the barstool.  “Just go get your man.”

****~**~**~**~**~****

Whatever plan Iruka managed to concoct wasn’t put in place that evening, as he knew Kakashi would spend most of his time with Gai.  He expected to eat a lonely dinner and spend a boring evening in front of the television but Naruto showed up at his door, Kiba in tow, and hauled him off to Ichiraku’s.  They had a pleasant meal, turning a little raucous towards the end when Sakura, Ino, and TenTen joined them. Iruka did his best to keep up with the jokes and ribald humor flying thick and fast, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Kakashi.

“. . . but I wasn’t sure what you thought.”  Naruto’s voice penetrated the haze Iruka had constructed around himself.  “Nii-chan?” he asked, looking concerned. “You’re like a million miles away.”

Iruka shook his head and forcibly dragged his mind back to where he was and who he was with.  “Sorry, Naruto, I did get a little lost there.”

Naruto’s smile was a little conflicted.  “I know you get a little lonely on the evenings Kakashi-sensei spends with Gai-sensei; that’s why Kiba and I decided to get you out of the house.”

“I know, and I appreciate it,” Iruka replied, patting the blond’s hand.  “But there’s something else, related to Kakashi, on my mind right now and -”

“AAAAAAAHHHHH!” Naruto shouted, flapping his hands in front of his face and bringing the conversation around them to a crashing halt.  “I don’t want to hear it; I don’t want to hear about  _ that _ !” he exclaimed, pressing his hands over his ears.

Sakura, who had visibly started at Naruto’s initial outburst, reached over and smacked him on the back of the head before rising to her feet.  “I think that’s just about the end of the evening,” she said, grabbing Naruto by the ear and pulling him away. “Have a good night, Iruka-sensei!”

The house was dark except for the light above the stove when he got home, so Iruka took a quick shower before collapsing into bed, mind buzzing with plans to get through to Kakashi.  But it had been a long day, and the sake he had drunk with Genma was catching up to him, making his eyelids heavy.

Tomorrow.  He’ll put his plan into action tomorrow.

****~**~**~**~**~****

When Kakashi came home and slid under the covers beside him Iruka barely registered the warmth and weight added to their bed.

****~**~**~**~**~****

The next day Genma showed up at the Academy just in time for lunch with takeout from Iruka’s favorite soba place, bouncy and eager for news of how his “master plan” had worked the night before.

“It didn’t,” Iruka sheepishly replied, slurping noodles up as he did.  “I was sound asleep when Kakashi got home last night. I don’t even remember him arriving, and he left early this morning on a courier mission to the Daimyo’s summer residence.”

Genma hummed thoughtfully.  “Avoidance?” he asked, the one word saying it all.

“Maybe.”  Iruka shrugged.  “Assuming he feels some sort of guilt about. . . you know.  Or even regret that he said it.”

“Oh, he regrets it, I guarantee it.”  Genma somehow made twirling chopsticks in his noodles into an obscene gesture.  “The only remaining question is how are you going to correct this? And I want details.”

It didn’t take long for Iruka to bodily eject Genma from his classroom, slamming the door shut over one last shouted “Details, sensei!”.  He leaned against the closed door with a gusty sigh before moving to his desk, determined to spend what was left of the lunch period coming up with some sort of plan.

The first thing that came to mind was food.  For such a lanky individual Kakashi had an almost insanely large appetite, one that could even rival Naruto’s.  So, step one: dinner that night would be a symphony of Kakashi’s favorites. The ingredients for miso soup were always on hand, so Iruka would just need to make a trip to the greengrocers for some vegetables, particularly eggplant, and then to the fishmongers.  Normally he would have gone early in the day for the best fish, but the vendor well knew Kakashi’s preferences and always kept a few select samples of saury on hand until one of them came to get it or closing time, whichever came first. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to get a message to the vendor, so he quickly went through the hand signs of the Summoning Jutsu, flinching when his teeth dig into his thumbs just enough to get some blood flowing.

With a puff of smoke and a hiss of displaced air Bisuke, the youngest and least obnoxious of Kakashi’s ninken, appeared in the classroom.  “Afternoon, sensei,” he said, words slightly garbled around a canine yawn. “What’s up?”

Iruka tucked some money underneath the henohenomoheji cloak on the ninken’s back.  “Can you get to the fishmonger’s and pick up some saury for dinner tonight?”

“Sure thing, sensei.  You want whole or fillets?”

“Whole, please.  He should have some left from this morning’s shipment.”

Bisuke nodded and made his way to the door.  “Oh, yeah, he always keeps some on hand for you and the Boss.”  Then his whiskers curved up in a smile. “Any special occasion tonight?”

“N-n-no!  Why would you ask that?” Iruka stammered, away that his face was heating up.  “It’s just a regular evening meal.”

Bisuke chuckled.  “If it was you would have bought the fish before coming to school, sensei.  This is meant to be a surprise.” And he left the room before Iruka could embarrass himself further in an effort to deny the truth.

He had himself considerably more under control by the time Kakashi arrived home, sniffing the air like one of his ninken.  “I could smell dinner from the gate,” he commented, tugging his mask down and favoring his husband with a smile. “It had me salivating the whole way up the drive.”

Iruka grinned.  “That’s because you have an unnaturally strong sense of smell.”  He held out a spoon full of miso for Kakashi to taste. “Does it need anything else?”  Kakashi swirled the liquid around his mouth, considering. “And don’t tell me more eggplant!”

Kakashi swallowed and laughed.  “No, it’s perfect.” He glanced to where the two whole saury were laid out on the broiler pan.  “I’ll just go wash up,” he stated, disappearing down the hall to the bathroom.

By the time he was back in the kitchen Iruka was pulling the broiled saury out of the oven, resting the pan on the wrought iron trivet in the center of the table, which was already laid with bowls of miso and of rice, plus a plate full of a variety of grilled vegetables, eggplant prominent among them.  The meal passed in more or less meaningless conversation, with Iruka’s complaints about his current crop of students a notable feature.

Kakashi insisted on cleaning up, as was their rule when the other cooked, so Iruka stayed in his seat and watched his husband approach the sink.  When Kakashi turned his head to grab the dish soap he winced, pressing a hand to the back of his neck and digging his fingers into whatever pain he found there.

“Are you okay?” Iruka asked as he rose to his feet and approached his husband, laying a hand over Kakashi’s.

“Yeah, fine,” Kakashi replied with a nod.  “Just a little stiff from sitting and playing games of manners with the daimyo and a couple of his relatives.”

Iruka made a noise of sympathy and steered Kakashi away from the sink.  “The dishes will keep.” He pushed his husband into a chair and started to rub his shoulders, digging his fingers into the worst of the knots he found.  Kakashi stiffened at the initial pain but then sighed in relief and dropped his head forward, exposing the length of his neck to Iruka’s skillful hands.

He hadn’t planned for anything beyond the dinner full of Kakashi’s favorite foods, but this massage was a heaven sent opportunity for Iruka to begin his seduction campaign.  So he extended the range of his hands once the knots released in Kakashi’s neck, rubbing them down the length of his husband’s back, thumbs tracking along the dip of his spine, before returning.  He sank his hands into the mess of silver hair, easing the tension on the other’s scalp. Then he leaned forward and pressed a warm kiss to Kakashi’s hairline.

Which caused the other man to go rigid and all but throw himself across the room.  “You. . . You. . . You’re trying to seduce me!!” His arms crossed defensively over his chest.  “Dinner, the back rub, the massage. . . It’s all part of some nefarious plan, isn’t it?”

Iruka can’t hold back the laugh that escaped.  “Nefarious? Really, Kakashi? It’s nefarious to want to have sex with my husband?”

“It is when I said I wouldn’t until you accept me as a full part of the advisory board!”

“Kakashi -”

The older man put his hands up in front of him and took a step back.  “No. I said it and I meant it.” he turned and walked away from Iruka.  “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”

Iruka was left in the kitchen, staring bemusedly after his husband, and formulating a plan for his next attempt.

****~**~**~**~**~****

It was three days later when Iruka was able to make his next attempt.  In the intervening time a freak heavy rainstorm had caused multiple leaks in the Academy’s roof so classes were cancelled for the rest of the week while repairs were undertaken.  He was going to take advantage of his unexpected day off to finish the job of seducing Kakashi.

To that end he spent part of the morning putting together a rather extensive picnic lunch, packed in two seperate bento boxes, and preparing two thermoses of tea, one of which contained the special blend that Kakashi favored.  Then he dispatched a note to the Hokage Tower, where he knew his husband was stuck in meetings with the Council of Elders and the Godaime until at least two that afternoon. The missive was straightforward and to the point.

_ Meet me at the lake near Training Ground 16 at 1430 hours.  Don’t eat lunch. _

At a quarter past two Iruka walked across the training ground, glad that a measure of summer’s warmth was still clinging on in late September.  The basket containing all of the supplies banged against his leg with every step, but even so he was pleased and content with the latest plan. Especially since it involved something that Kakashi had thus far in their relationship been unable to resist.

When he arrived at the small sandy beach along the lakeshore he dropped the basket and started to unpack, casting an insect repellent jutsu of his own invention before spreading the blanket and getting the food out.  He kept the bentos closed, though, since the jutsu wasn’t completely foolproof. Then he waited, senses stretched to look for. . .

There.  Kakashi’s chakra signature, as familiar to Iruka as his own, was approaching along the same path that Iruka had taken, so he rose to his feet, making sure his back faced that direction.  As soon as Kakashi’s chakra was no longer partially shielded by the trees he lifted his arms above his head in an exaggerated stretch, then pulled his shirt off, making sure to snag and remove his hair tie as he did.  As the shirt cleared his head he felt his hair tumble down to his shoulders, and then a quick spike in Kakashi's chakra.

Still ignoring his husband Iruka kicked off his sandals and then unbuttoned his pants, casually lowering them and stepping free of the material.  He had deliberately worn an older pair of boxer-briefs, the white fabric soft and thin enough that the darker tone of his skin was visible through it.  He was ready to splash into the lake to cool off (that had always been part of the plan but the unexpected heat made the thought welcome) when he heard a strangled noise - half groan and half whistle of appreciation - from behind him.  He turned and met his husband’s gaze.

“I. . .  You. . . Urgh. . .” Kakashi stammered out as a tide of red flowed from the top of his mask to his hairline.

Even from the distance that separated them and the fabric of the mask Iruka saw Kakashi’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard, and he tugged his lower lip between his teeth to keep from grinning.  So far, so good.

“I. . .  I have to go,” Kakashi blurted out before flashing through the signs for a teleportation jutsu and disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

Iruka stood there for a long moment, dumbfounded, as the sun beat down on him.  “Well, shit.”

****~**~**~**~**~****

Kakashi found Yamato in the tea shop they had met in a few evenings ago, surrounded by papers and with a pile of ryu notes in front of him.  He slumped into the chair across from his friend, not even bothering to ask about the money. “I don’t know how long I can do this for,” he said with no preamble.

Yamato shot him a look.  “I told you to just give in and not even bother trying.  Iruka will always have the advantage over you in such a situation.”  He started counting the money, making a few notations of a piece of paper when he was done.

“What is all of this?” Kakashi asked, gesturing to the mess on the table.

“Nothing that you need to worry about,” was the reply as Yamato gathered everything together close enough to himself to cover it with his hands.  “So what happened today?”

Kakashi slouched back in his chair, pout visible through the mask.  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Yamato breathed a sigh of relief when Kakashi left shortly after, spreading out the paperwork again.  It didn’t take long before he was approached by a couple of elder chuunin. He grinned. “Here to place your bets, gentlemen?  Best hurry; slots are going fast.”

****~**~**~**~**~****

“So even the hair and paper thin boxer briefs didn’t work?” Genma asked, incredulous.

“No, they worked,” Iruka replied with a scowl.  “He just ran away before I could finish the job.”  He huffed out a frustrated breath. “And short of strolling across Konoha bare ass naked I’m not sure what else to do.”

Genma’s answering grin was lascivious.  “I know quite a few people besides Kakashi who would enjoy that.”

“Not.  Helpful.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” Genma answered with a chuckle.  “But I can think of one other thing that might work.”

****~**~**~**~**~****

“This is either Genma’s worst idea ever or the best,” Iruka muttered as he settled on the sofa, making sure he was positioned so his entire body would be displayed to whoever walked through the door.  The weave in the fabric felt rough against his bare skin, but if everything worked out it would all be worth it.

_ “Look, it’s simple,” Genma declared, leaning forward as they conspired.  “Tomorrow after your advisory board meeting I’ll keep Kakashi busy long enough for you to get set, and once he’s on his way home I’ll give you the signal and it’ll be on.” _

_ “Set how?  And what signal?” Iruka asked, expression dubious. _

_ “Just go home, get naked, and be on the sofa when Kakashi comes through the door.  You can probably figure out the rest for yourself.” _

_ Iruka flushed to the roots of his hair but didn’t say anything else on that subject.  “And the signal?” _

_ “I’ll send one of my summons hawks over the house.  You can recognize that call, right?” When Iruka nodded he went on.  “Then all you need to do -” _

_ Slapping a hand over his friend’s mouth Iruka glared.  “Yeah, I get that part.” _

And now he was laid out on their sofa, waiting for the sound of a hawk’s cry.  He was already half-hard from thinking about how his husband would react when he walked through the door to find Iruka on full display, and it would only take a few strokes to bring his cock to full attention.  He was avoiding it, though, waiting for -

Then he heard it: the cry of a hawk.  And it was definitely one of Genma’s summons.  Which meant Kakashi was on his way home, so Iruka took himself in hand, feeling his breathing quicken as pleasure flowed through him, molten and warm.  He gave his wrist a twist on one stroke, brushing his thumb on the sensitive spot at the base of his cock’s head, feeling his heartbeat start to thunder and his brain grow cloudy.

So cloudy, in fact, that it was just a moment too late that he realized the powerful chakra signature approaching their door wasn’t Kakashi.  His eyes slid closed as he drifted in the rising tide of arousal, and -

“OH MY GOD!!!  Iruka-nii!!!”

That shout, in a painfully familiar voice, catapulted Iruka off of the sofa and sent him to the floor, knocking over the coffee table as he fell.  He retained enough presence of mind to get a hand on the throw that covered the back of the sofa and used it to cover himself as best he could before looking up and meeting Naruto’s blazing, indignant blue eyes.

It was only for a split second though, because as soon as their eyes met Naruto spun around and showed Iruka his back.

“Naruto. . .”

The form in front of him suddenly stiffened, posture changing, and when Naruto turned around Iruka knew it was no longer Naruto.  His eyes were red and the whisker marks on his cheeks were much thicker than normal, and when he spoke his voice was much deeper and rough around the edges.

“Well, at least now I know why he came flailing into my part of his mind,” Kurama said, tone almost bland.

Iruka felt the flush climbing his chest.  “Kurama. . .”

One hand went up in a “stop” gesture.  “Please don’t, sensei. I neither want nor need an explanation, and Naruto -”  His head cocked to one side, listening to something only the fox could hear. “Naruto just wants to forget this ever happened.  He keeps rambling about brain bleach and stabbing his eyes out.”

Iruka had to laugh at that, because it was so typical of Naruto’s ability to overreact to almost anything.  “Well, I hope he knows how sorry I am that he saw. . . ummm, that all of this happened,” he concluded with a vague gesture toward his waist and below it.

“No one is as sorry as him, I guarantee it,” Kurama put in, giving in the need to smile. “But, if I may, sensei?  Instead of trying to force the situation perhaps you just need to have a frank discussion with Kakashi-san. I was an unwilling witness to two marriages in the past and I can honestly say that communication never hurts.”  And then he bowed, the gesture so much more respectful than anything Naruto had ever been capable of, and walked out the door.

Iruka, still sprawled on the floor between the coffee table and sofa, shook his head in bemusement at receiving marital advice from a Tailed Beast.

****~**~**~**~**~****

The next morning Iruka made his way to the Mission Desk before heading to the Academy, knowing that Gemma had the early shift.  The room was full of jounin - regular and tokubetsu - waiting to receive mission assignments, but he pushed through all of them and approached the desk.  Genma smiled at him, but Iruka didn’t return it. Instead he snatched the senbon from his friend’s mouth and stabbed it through the papers in front of the other man, gaining an immense amount of satisfaction from how deep he drove it into the wood.

“If I didn’t know that you got off on pain that would’ve gone through your palm,” he stated before calmly leaving the room, ignoring the stunned jounin watching his departure.

****~**~**~**~**~****

Kakashi was hiding out at Yamato’s apartment, a little terrified about being in public after enduring Naruto’s crazed rant the evening before.  He had gone home afterwards and found an unusually subdued Iruka, one who had pled exhaustion and gone to bed almost immediately after dinner. There had been no more attempts at seduction; indeed there had barely been any conversation.  With no real reason to stay up himself it hadn’t been long before Kakashi had joined his husband in bed.

“So, Naruto. . .” Yamato began.

Kakashi shuddered.  “I don’t want to talk about it.  Ever. I could die and be reincarnated and I  _ still _ wouldn’t want to talk about it.”

“Understood.”  Yamato slid his glance to one side, taking a surreptitious look at the betting chart half-hidden underneath the newspaper.  He could easily recognize his own name on the current day. His brows pulled together as he looked back to his friend. “Any chance that yesterday evening’s events and the traumatization of your former pupil have convinced you of the idiocy of this sexual strike?” he asked.

“Why do you ask?” Kakashi put in, attention suddenly much sharper than just a minute ago.

“No particular reason,” Yamato replied, leaning slightly forward to block Kakashi’s line of sight.  “Do I need a reason to care, senpai?”

With a sigh Kakashi slumped back in his chair, all tension leaving his body.  “I suppose not,” he said, leaning his head against the chair back. “And it’s not like I need convincing; I knew this was stupid the minute the words left my mouth.”

“But you persisted because you’re a stubborn ass.”

“That’s not exactly a secret, Tenzou.”  Then he laughed. “Although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying all the work Iruka has put in to seducing me.”

“You’re a twisted man, senpai.”

“Likewise not a secret.”

****~**~**~**~**~****

By the time the note arrived at the Academy that Tsunade was sending Kakashi to a meeting with the Daimyo’s council and he would not be back until late Iruka was resolved to just give up on any more seduction plans.  He refused an invitation for dinner and drinks from Izumo and Kotetsu and more or less slunk back to the house, doing his best to be invisible. He ate a simple dinner in silence before turning on the television, staring blankly at it for he didn’t know how long.

It was close to midnight when he heard keys jingle in the lock, and rose to his feet to welcome his husband home.  Kakashi looked as tired as Iruka felt, and Iruka’s heart immediately melted. He wasn’t over his frustration by any means, but now was not the time to bring it out.  He stepped forward and carefully unzipped Kakashi’s flak vest, carefully sliding it down his arm before reaching up to press a soft kiss to the other man’s cheek.

“You’re home later than I expected,” Iruka softly spoke.  “Are you hungry? I can scrounge something up, even if it is only eggs.”

Kakashi shook his head.  “They had sandwiches brought in to the meeting.”  He tugged his mask down and a wry smile twisted his lips.  “Plus my stomach is in knots after all that back-and-forth, inane political discussion, so I don’t think I could eat a thing.”  he chuckled a little sadly. “I think I’d rather sit through Academy Advisory Board meetings.”

Iruka smiled, recognizing the comment for the typical Kakashi-esque peace offering it was.  “You know you’ll always be welcome. I’ll probably even abstain from voting on any proposal that you put forth.”

“I’m very glad to hear that, because I am really tired of avoiding sex with you.”

Iruka laughed and stepped into the circle of his husband’s arms.  “I’m sorry too.”

****~**~**~**~**~****

At around three in the morning Yamato was awoken by a scratching at his bedroom window, opening it to find one of Kakashi’s ninken perched on the flower box outside.

“Boss wanted you to know that he and Iruka-sensei have patched things up, but it happened after midnight so you lose the pool,” Guruko said, sounding bored.  “Also that he knew about your bookie sideline for a few days.” Then in a puff of smoke the canine disappeared.

“Oh crap,” was Yamato’s only reaction.

****~**~**~**~**~****

“What the hell is this?” Naruto shouted when Yamato dumped the money into his lap.  “I wasn’t involved in this! I’d never bet on nii-chan’s. . .” he swallowed hard and his voice dropped to a whisper “. . .sex life.”

Sakura dropped into the chair beside him and plucked a handful of ryu notes from the pile.  “No worries, Naruto. Sai and I took care of that for you.”


End file.
